Anxiety and Ambition in Harmony

Anxiety and ambition show up side by side. It’s been a crazy year. We are not as far as I want us to be; yet we are a lot further than I thought we would be. Getting up early, taking a moment to look up, say a thank you to life before having a chat with my anxiety and ambition and getting those two to work together has been the best habit I’ve discovered this year. It’s not either courage or fear. It’s not happiness or sadness. It’s an orchestra. Every emotion, every hope, every dream and every fear is all sitting there playing their own instrument. For me, prayer and gentle focus (start one thing, get distracted, realise I’m distracted, forgive myself and get back to it) are the conductor. However, whether you are chasing a dream or totally content in your current season, there is an idea I see everywhere that says you should always aim to be happy. That all the other players in your orchestra need to pipe down and happiness should be the only member of the band. I feel like that idea causes more unhappiness than we realise. At the time of taking this picture, I got bad news, I was also in the middle of a film and was holding a personal health challenge. I was happy, worried, a bit sad and hopeful throughout the day. A few years back I would have repressed most of those feelings. This time each one would be met with the same thought, the same conductor. A simple saying, said over and over: ‘This will make me better’ – a better producer, better friend, better man, better husband and, life/god willing one day, a better dad. To anyone feeling that they ‘should’ be happier, I wish you the same thing I wish for myself: a more skilful inner conductor who can work with whatever you currently have and when needed remind you to look up before you put your head down.